I must confess I'm getting bored
with spiritual practices.
Inhale counting 4, exhale counting 6.
I did this in first grade arithmetic…
Perform Frog Asana better
than anyone else in yoga class.
Can't wait to practice Corpse Pose
and just lie here doing nothing…
Wonder if her mantra works better than mine:
Tantric bija, $1200…
My guru is flawless, but yours
had an affair with a cheerleader…
If you buy your meditation at an ashram,
where it's been on the shelf for a thousand years,
be sure to check the expiration date:
it should say "Now" …
Breathing in, say “breathing in.”
Breathing out, say “out…” Why not say,
“My grandmother rides a red bicycle?”
Replace the thought of that lady's rump
with a thought of emptiness.... Really?
So I take these complaints to the Master,
who says, “When did you ever see me
actually doing any of that crap?”
Then he throws his arm over my shoulder
and leads me to The Tavern of Awakening,
where fools dance in a circle and get instantly
drunk by practicing absolutely nothing.
If you come, bring a big empty belly.
No one will ask who invited you.
Isn’t it time to run out of patience
and become a wave of gratitude
crashing on the shore of this moment?
Friend, just do who you are
and pulverize diamonds
with your whirling.